Y can't I stop tellin my newborn I love him?

History: I hav 4 children, 3 from a previous marraige. I am constantly huggin an kissin an tellin my nb I love him. I don't remembr evr bein this affectionate with my older boys. I am madly in love with my bf an I do the same wit him as I do wit my baby. I feel so bad I'm not like this wit my older boys. They are currently livin wit their father. Am I a horrible mother for feelin this way? I do love my older ones and want them with me and miss tucking them in everynight but I was never all over them like I am with my nb.